The sound of chatter was the static that filled the emptiness of this lecture room. My mind, filled with scribbles and noise, coherent but chaotic. There was nothing that could repel its madness, unless silence were to enter the chamber.
It didn't take long before I had left the room, and enveloped the fresh air that surrounded me. Air that didn't invite me to cough, or sniff in discomfort. I had noticed my footsteps, in my journey towards the empty corner of the library, where I had told myself that I should refrain from isolating myself and further improve how I socialise.
That wasn't the only reason I had travelled upon this abandoned corner of the library. No. Someone had piqued my interest, like a brightness that had shed the darkness and the noise in my head, one in which I thought could not be cured.
Their eyes were bright like a shooting star. Their face, puffy and squishable, in contrast to mine. I sat, munching on whatever snack I could find in the lunch box I packed in a hurry. My ears were glued onto the conversation they had created, but I was not only interested in how quick-witted or how knowledgeable they were. Something endearing and charming had suddenly altered their presence, one I was only grasping to understand.
As I continued to look at them, smiling and admiring their soft appearance, reality had taken me back to its quarters. It looked as if I took too long, shared a glance for a moment longer than what could be comfortable. Would it raise suspicion? Would they pierce my heart with a blade I would not expect?
"Why are you looking at me like that, Kip?" They questioned. My heart paused, for a second. I had felt obligated to give an answer. Maybe I had been making the wrong decisions. Maybe, I should have kept my eyes covered by my hands, my mind to journey into blankness, so I would not need to look at the brightness of such a star. To look within, to focus on the path ahead, to keep moving.
But before I could let out a word from my hollow mouth, they had spoken once more. "You look wimpy looking at me like that."
"Oh, sorry, I was just," I said, with hesitation, with my tongue slightly twisted, "listening to the conversation. Found it interesting." My smile dropped, gradually as those words materialised from thoughts into what felt like tangible noise.
The clock felt as if it was moving in the blink of an eye. The sound of a bell, making a soft chime as many had fled from their positions.
"Oh, well, I'll see you later," they said, leaving me with a goodbye, as they stood up to leave while my legs had fallen asleep on the carpet floor. I kept sitting there, wanting to close my eyes to no longer witness light.
And it grew silent. The noise returned once more. Blinded by a light I should not dare to reach, unless I was ambitious to feel the same way I did a moment ago.
The footsteps grew louder, the concrete path felt harder. I approached the door, holding my book in one hand, and the door knob on the other. I would let the noise unravel, when their eyes could no longer reach me. The mask, still upheld. When it's quiet, when it's calm, maybe this feeling would return to nothing.
Then, the clock continued ticking... and my mind, sounded the same, once again.
***
Sincerely,
Davo