the seventh star

SPOILER WARNING! Stranger Things 5

In order to read this post with the fullest amount of context, I recommend you read the following posts.

fortitude – explains the star system

the sixth star – where we last left off

And this piece isn't meant to be perfect. I know it's a bit messy. But that's the point of this whole thing... it's a bit messy.

So, did you think this was over? Nope, absolutely not!

As the tale of the sixth star ended, I found a friend when I absolutely needed them the most. When it was quiet, when it was dark, they were there to bring me the light I needed in my life again. But as I walked closer to the light, it blinded me, tossing me into a new path.

This is the tale of the seventh star. The star of change.

the seventh star

the star of change

If you've ever read slow burn romances before, you could say that what I had was a slow burn friendship. As I was experiencing the stories of the fifth and sixth star, I was starting to get closer to another friend of mine, who eventually became the seventh. We talked about a lot of things, shared hobbies, and shared fandoms (including some I introduced to them).

There were a few moments where I knew the sparks started to begin, but quickly shook them off due to it clashing with some other events in my life (the aforementioned fifth and sixth star). A short gaze, light conversations through text, everything that was setting the foundation for what would be an amazing platonic best friend.

Except, my life decided to take a different turn. After the sixth star, I was lonely and in a very dark place, too dark that I don't want to mention much of that time. It was June, it was quiet, it was silent. However, the same friend that I was talking to almost every day now became the new subject of my life. The new muse.

They listened to me, talked to me, made jokes every now and then. Every single day became a step closer to them integrating themself into my life. I valued all the moments that I had with them, and I was slowly falling into admiration, until it became a fonder connection.

And I remember thinking to myself, "this can't be happening again". After all, I just got out of a crush who I genuinely thought was going to be my friend and immediately got ghosted after.

Well, guess what happened next. It did happen again. Maybe.

the call

When I thought the time was right, I decided to finally rip the band aid off and tell them. I decided to test the waters beforehand and make sure I was mentally prepared for this. After all, this could've been another friendship ruined.

Even with all the preparation, I wasn't prepared for all the devastation that came afterwards. I remember that night, at my desk, crying my soul out knowing that I just lost everything that I had.

But things were different this time. It wasn't the same as before. Despite the fact that it only took me three weeks to confess after catching feelings, they would still accept me as a friend. And that decision changed the way I looked at all of my stars in such a drastic way.

"in limbo / i'll survive"

Something hurts more with this one, almost too painful. It felt like I met another really nice friend and I had a gut feeling that it was something, but it was never anything more. I feel so foolish. This is hurting me more than expected.

- July 6, 2025 (Journal Entry, "I'll Survive")

Now, just because they wanted to be my friend again (or at least, to stay friends) doesn't mean that all the pain went away. In fact, it stayed for a while, and I was trying to hold myself together to make this work.

We did what we did and in fact, we were much closer than we were before when it came to talking to each other, almost now talking on a daily basis. We called, we texted, and I even made a song with them in a call. I still remember those days, but only vaguely. Like a haze covering it all, but you still remember the feeling.

Despite all the mess happening inside my mind, I felt a momentary peace with them. It was like someone I'd never met before, someone I can just be with and be, myself. Even if it was only a moment in time. They stopped my cycle of loneliness and despair, and reduced what would've been a lot of pain after that confession.

But it's not the end of this story. Yes, I was grateful to be their friend again. Yes, I was grateful to talk to them on basically a daily basis. But I was stuck in this state where I felt like they were something more, yet not at the same time. I was stuck in limbo. A friend that treated me so good that I couldn't distinguish what was platonic and what was romantic.

So, I asked for a break. That didn't work, as expected. I asked for another. That also didn't work, I was too caught up in my feelings and wanted to be around them all the time. Then, I snapped. There was a time where I could no longer withstand the pain of the cycle I trapped myself in. I made a decision, a decision I now regret but was necessary for that time period.

the incident

Known by another name that I can't disclose, the incident occurred in August. Out of the feeling of being overwhelmed with so many emotions, I decided to be my worst enemy. I ghosted them. I regret so many parts of this but looking back at it now (and past me would agree too), it was a protection mechanism to stop myself from being hurt so much from this cycle.

It was a time where I believed I broke this cycle, a cycle of liking them to the point I wanted to be around them all the time, realising that it will never be reciprocated on a level that was committed and established, then falling into despair as I realise that it will never happen. Then, when the feelings return and when the questioning comes back to think "maybe, they do have feelings for me" or "maybe, there's something going on", it restarts back to the start of the cycle.

When the silence became too loud and the distance became so apparent, I decided to talk to them, stating that whatever this was, us being friends was over. It was not a matter of want, it was a matter of need. And if there was any sliver of wanting to break it off, it was for my own mental health.

Days passed, 12 days exactly. It wasn't too long until this incident resolved. My birthday was the catalyst for a reunion, and it worked. For reasons I can't fully disclose, they redeemed themself in my eyes. I forgave myself for what I went through and wanted to start things anew, despite our messy past. I wanted to accept how I felt, accept how everything was, and just accept that it was never going to be anything. I wanted them to be my friend again.

"fragile waters to heal a dying star"

I no longer had to play a masquerade, a false pretence in order to ensure my survival. It was freedom, without guilt watching over my shoulder. It was as if the phantom that continued to linger had disappeared without a trace.

But this dying star continued to have remnants of the fallen mirage, dreams and reality unfortunately inseparable. It did not stop me from walking this new path, as I continued to wander through the forest of wonders. I would not let the nightmares of the past darken the light of the present.

- November 2, 2025 (Post, "a bittersweet masquerade")

I really wanted to repair things in September. I wanted to focus on the friendship, and not the feelings. But the same story kept happening over and over again. The lines still blurred, the times spent with them became tiny moments that compounded over time. I grew fonder of them, not the opposite.

The story, the relationship, the friendship we had became a loop in different times and different contexts. We continued to spend our time together, enjoy the little moments in life, and converse with each other.

There was this instinct to run away, an anxious mechanism. Maybe it was to protect me, maybe it was because I was scared. I didn't want to repeat history again, but at the same time, running away is what caused the problem anyway.

After a few other events in September, I decided to quietly distance myself again in October, but there was something that changed at the end of that month. A phenomenon that confused me in more ways than one.

the situationship

As you may have already noticed, I haven't mentioned anything about things that happened in real life. Well, most of the events actually occurred online. A bit of a surprise, but it's a funny callback to how it was with the sixth star. Think of that as a little tease.

But this person, my interest, wasn't only online. We just, never really spoke much in person. Sure, we had times where we would meet in common places, but it was more of just "oh yeah, you're in the vicinity, okay".

But during late-October to November, things started to get a little bit more interesting. From tiny moments like sitting next to each other on the same desk or sitting at the same spot for break times, we were getting closer in proximity than we ever were before.

I also began writing a lot more songs for them, some unwarranted but were simply unconditional gifts that I wanted to make. Pieces of myself I wanted them to keep because I just wanted to give. I never really wanted anything back when making those gifts (despite the banging want to still have commitment, but they weren't a factor in making those gifts).

Things started getting a little bit more hectic. Sure, I was able to feel like I could be around them more in my life. Things were going smoothly in fact and we did things that would be usually considered intimate, at least, in my perspective.

It was different from all of the previous stars. It felt like the stakes were higher, and the atmosphere was definitely much more different too. It didn't feel so one-sided, so lonely. It felt like I had a friend, and at some times, maybe even more than a friend.

I mean, how exactly do you explain liking characters (and basically saying that you are the characters, but maybe that's an exaggeration) that are commonly shipped together, texting and calling late at night before bed until 11pm-12am just to stay up to talk, and even hanging out with each other online one-on-one constantly? I wouldn't do that with any friend at all, but they held a special place in my heart at that time.

And while I lost a lot of sleep and could've probably recovered from being sick all of the time, I enjoyed all the little moments we had. I enjoyed every bit of it, and savoured it while I could. Still a friend, even when things felt like more.

tiny moments compounding overtime

Then, December came. During this time, I was quite busy with a lot of events and things were messy in my personal life. However, it never stopped these tiny moments to compound over the time we spent together, becoming the catalyst for this uncommitted, nonexclusive situationship. It was a great time for us to be friends, and I think it was the peak of everything.

Then, the realisation came. All the questioning, all the thoughts, they all swarmed my mind once more. It reminded me of what was going on, and I succumbed to it. I couldn't handle things anymore again, and it was almost the restarting point for this cycle, this ouroboros.

At this time, I genuinely believed that things could work out. That this cycle didn't have to exist, and that I could just enjoy the moment, so they say. But you can never stop a wound from bleeding if you keep putting a band aid on it, like you can never stop the longing, the yearning, the desire for reciprocation for your feelings.

My goal of being only friends, just friends, or as Stranger Things likes to call it "best friends" turned into the complete opposite. I accepted them for who they were, I enjoyed every single little moment that we had (even through the ups and downs), and we worked together and communicated to be the best people we could be with each other. And I loved them. Gosh, fine, I said it. I didn't want to admit it, but it's the truth.

Even with this whole situationship, even with all the ups and downs, I really wanted to make it work. I wanted to ignore all the feelings that I had and simply focus on them. But the pain wouldn't go away, and I kept being lost in my own thoughts. I could never heal the wound that kept bleeding. It only made it worse.

So, I pulled one final move. One final gambit.

happy new year

It was New Year's Eve, 2025. I decided to go with my family, but later found out that I could go visit the seventh star as well. When I finally found them, I soaked myself in the moment as much as I could. I was preparing myself for my impending doom, knowing that after these 10 minutes of so-called paradise, I would've burned another bridge in our friendship.

I remember that night. I used to remember it vividly, but now I can only remember it in bits and pieces. The way they smiled, the way they walked, their mannerisms. Wow, I really do sound so lovey-dovey in this piece. I've got to tone that down eventually.

Then, when I thought the time was right, the bombshell was placed and launched. I told them everything that I needed to tell and how I really felt about everything. I needed space, I needed time, I needed clear boundaries.

New Year's Day of 2026 really sucked for me. Not only was I queerbaited from the Stranger Things 5 finale (no hate to the show, just a bit skeptical of how things were done), but it was official that we wouldn't talk for the month. After all, there wasn't any excuse for us to talk, since I picked the right time to pull it off. The summer holidays.

I spent the rest of my January spending time with my other friends, trying new things, and improving what I already built for myself. I found myself more comfortable in my identity, despite the fact that I still have this internal fear of being judged heavily by others. After all, isn't it human nature to be afraid of being ostracised?

There was still this want to be with them, and I was still grieving the loss of what I had before. There were dark days during January, and I made sure to process it in ways that I could digest. I found different ways on working through all of the pain and all of the distance, and I found myself in a place brighter than I was in during late-December.

But all things come to an end, and I had to face them again. You can't run away from the unfinished forever.

rebuilding what's broken

After all the distance, I eventually grew an anxiety to talk to them. I avoided their gaze, almost like they were now a stranger. I didn't do it because I didn't want to, I didn't do it because I couldn't. I physically couldn't. It felt like a fight-or-flight response every time they were in my proximity.

But after some further reparations on that same day, we were back to what we were before. Things were a little different and it was as if we drifted apart. A silence that echoed the room, the distance that kept us apart.

The attachment, the affection, everything we held for each other started to fade, and it became more apparent that this was the case, because I could no longer feel as much as I did before. Maybe that's maturity, maybe that's the end of limerence, but it was no longer the same as it was before.

We both thought that we could repair it in the end. After all, why wouldn't you want to be friends again with your friend?

It was okay for a while. We were still talking to each other occasionally, shared a couple things, but it wasn't as much as before.

I knew that it wasn't going to work out.

the fallout

Looking back at it now, it feels like a repeat of August all over again. The incident, the one that once haunted me, became a lesson... a mirror to what would be the present. Foreshadowing, you could say, a "plot device" in reality.

I knew that things wouldn't work out anymore. The distance drove us apart and our paths were diverging, almost like a crossroads.

So after I processed what was the saddest Valentine's Day so far in my life (although, it could've been worse, at least I attended a party), I decided to rip the band aid off and repeat what happened in August. Minus the ghosting... partially.

It was the end of a tale, a person I once loved and still love now. I know they don't love me back, and maybe they're even weirded out by some of my phrases and actions. But I'm not denying my truth, because that's who I am and how I feel.

So, the fallout began. We drifted apart into what's now silence. Whether it will repair itself or not is a story for the future, but for the now, it's the divergence of two friends who once shared their lives with each other, now becoming strangers and ghosts in the blink of an eye. Only left with remnants of the past, old items, memories, and parts of each other, as a ghostly reminder that they were once a chapter in their own lives. Friends at a distance, a very long distance.

coda

And now, I'm left here in the aftermath. We're both living our own lives now, turning into the phantoms we once feared to be. Old promises, barely holding on as we reach the middle zone.

I learned a lot of lessons. On how to love, on how to be myself, on songwriting too. I will forever cherish the memories, even though I know that one day, it will erode into old feelings that no longer hold any weight on my heart.

Sometimes, I miss them, despite the fact that I still have to see them everyday due to obligations. Two friends that once talked to each other on a daily basis and even called, just to feel a bit of warmth in such a busy society, now detached from each other. Absent from each other.

But I know that it's necessary for this to happen. It's something I chose because I know that if I continued this situationship, my mental health would continue to decline and I would never find the person who would truly be on the same level as me when it came to the end goal.

There's always a risk in loving someone more than what a typical friendship would be. Whether you want to take that risk is your decision, but take it anyway. You learn a lot of lessons out of it, despite all of the pain that comes with it. You learn with all of the pain, right?

I'll never regret the moments I had, I'll never take them back. One day, when I get a job and live in an urban city, living alone in a single apartment, I'll recall all the times I was happy. I was happy with them, even if it was only during those moments. Even if the pain of a noncommittal, unreciprocated situationship kept biting at me in my mind. That will never change.

And I know that one day, I'll have to move forward from all of this. I'll find someone new, build a new layer of memories, and forget most of the things that I mentioned here. But if I'm still single or if I'm comfortable reading this piece again out of self-reflection and not rekindling my feelings, I'll remember this as a lesson for myself. To remember how I became who I am today.

So, for those reading this, take the risk to love because who knows if you'll get another chance at it. Love them with all the love you can, give them the things you want to give, and make them a part of your life. Even if it bites at you with all of the pain afterwards, you'll have something to remember. And even if you don't want to remember them, you'll have a lesson to bring with you for the rest of your life.

And if you – yes, the one I'm writing about – are reading this, I meant everything that I said here. If you feel weirded out, that's okay, you can just stop reading from here. I love you. I really care about you. Even now, with all the distance, I still feel bad about the consequences. I don't want you to feel so stressed. I want you to enjoy your life after this. Maybe you've decided to just forget or ignore me, and I guess that's okay too. I can't stop you. But know that you were a part of my life that I can't take away, and parts of my life are now forever with you, and I can't take those away either. I'll miss you, and I'll remember how I felt years after I make this piece. I'll use what we had as a lesson for the future, for when I've finally moved on from whatever we had. You were such a good friend to me, to the point that it went from just a simple crush to someone who I actually wanted to be with. Take that as a compliment, that you've impacted someone's life, even if it meant it was messy. You helped me be who I am today.

Nothing truly lasts forever, so seize the day. Carpe diem, right?

Thank you for being here.

Signing off,

Davo